This is my third week in Jogja after I met you from Idul Fitri celebration. At the first week, I had a class with a student from US. He is a musician. He has a band with underground music. What I love from him is his adventurous nature. Just like an animal person who really likes animal. That is why he is vegetarian. He has lived in many forest for many nights to live with nature, to hope nothing from a life, to pull away from a crowd. That is what I could interpret from him.
Talking with him about being vegetarian reminds me about my friends and I while we were on fasting from animals-bilaruhi fasting-for 40 days during Idul Adha celebration. What I could say being vegetarian here is not easy. Almost food sold in warung were already obviously or invisibely contained by animals. Thus, the solution is we cook our meals by ourselves or actively asking about the ingredients of any foods we eat.
You can assume him as Mas Rosi, coming from one concert to another in groups. We even talk about hitchhike that he often does in Indonesia. Just like me, when scouting group of UGM (Pramuka UGM) and I were hijacking right after tracking many hours to be finally arrived at our campus. It was one of amazing experiences I have with Pramuka UGM in tracking, just like him. He has travelled many places from this archipelago. Oh, how I want to travel these islands too.
At the weekend, collegues and I were cooking together. I made ice tea and oseng-oseng kangkung among many other delicious dishes successfully provided on the table. I just remembered when Risma suprised to know how simply to put seasoning but creating a good taste on kangkung. I am very happy to have such a good time in cooking, as well as in home. Other enjoying parts are taking photos and chatting with people there.
But the next week, I have no clear idea of what I am going to do here. My first skype class was cancelled and I turned to be free for a week. That was very terrible! I felt like I am losing my crowd. Something empty. The same situation, when I have no schedule to meet people will be always terrible.
In fact, it makes me remember random things which my bad mood comes. I remember mom and you, that I do not do important things here. I supposed to do something here. As well as your story. How you feel so sad when Risma wanted to move from her new school. I just cannot imagine your feeling is. You certainly did not want to be strict at her that always remind you to Mother, but letting her choose she wants. Thankfully she finally realize that she just needs to adjust herself in a new place around new people with new strict rules.
Same like me, new condition without having clear plans is unconvenient. But it challenges me to do things I want. How I commit to realise my plans. How I create creative things to do in a row. How I manage self-consistency with my big enemy, pleasure. By all the distraction on plans I make, being around people here is a gift. Even though I have no agenda to do but people here, together we move in the same mission for an increadible teacher-Pak Kyai. We walk through one duty to another in one reason.
Helping each other. I was asked by mbak Ana to replace her in elementary school for a Quran class-TPA. I met incradible people on her own. Also, practicing my teaching skill in a big class is always interesting. One student, who cannot be silent, instead of hitting and annoying his friends during the whole class, catches my attention. It turns out that his background and daily life shapes him. His parents, both are working to earn money. Thus, he gets along with high school students to play around. Unfortunately, he sometimes becomes their assisstant to help themselves. A family, which must have more compassion rather than material, is every kids’ right. He deserves to get more attention and compassion.
You and mother had worked hard. When I was in elementary school, to be honest, I was sad to know you being busy with your stuff rather than asking me if I have homework or not. But now I understand, making money is not easy. Running out of money is such a normal condition before end of months. However, a principal that withdrawing your transferred money is impolite. Graduated student from a university, economically, must be tough.
Besides that, pesantren, is the best place to share anything. We have lots of things to do together including food, time, story etc. We celebrated friends’ birthday. We came to a final paper presentation of our college student. This makes me know more people here and situation on how to get the rhytme to be socially connected. Furthermore, knowing how my spiritually goes so far is the other better. Not only praying for a duty but a call from the heart.
Just like this night, a friend of mine, shared with me and other friends after my three years ignoring her so well because of her first worst impression. However, last night is the great time to know each other. We shared our story, how past shapes us.
At the weekend, I spent my time with my roomate, mbak Lian, who knows me well right now. With her, I try to build the best relations to learn mistakes from one another, to share compassion, to give a trust. It is not easy but I believe this time is the right time to the better. Soon I realise that to be always positive thinking is the key out from a conflict.
Today, I write this letter inspired by my lecturer, Angela Arunarsirakul, as my source of inspiration. Releasing my motto “coloring the world with my own patterns” is not a new one. It has been many years but I haven’t told anyone what the meaning is. That means, my life is colors (impression, message) for people in their life with my patterns (characters, actions) on my own. Having no idea when my life would end, thus, story is the only thing I can give to this world.
Always happy there.
Your daughter, Wirdatul Aini.
Yogyakarta, 28 July 2017