To Feel Alive

“You don’t have to change the world in order to have a meaningful life. You don’t always have to do things that are extreme and unbelievable and outside of the norm in order to feel alive. You can feel alive just by acknowledging your own worth and the worth of everyone around you.”

journey

Being out of the box is a dream for some people, including me. But, it makes me trapped on a difficult situation to compare myself with others. Thus, I will not allow myself to be someone else because I have something that cannot be imitated by others. Sometime I consider myself to feel alive as my own without thinking of others’ opinions. As my recent time I have passed, I am a typically someone who cannot live monotony. I want to do things out of the box because I know that it is too common having a life like them.

Fortunately, it does. I make up my life. I am not like people in my village, people in my family even people in my study program. I am different with them. That is one of my ways to feel alive. When I try to interact all the repetitiveness as their own, I cannot feel alive. I feel losing parts of my life. For instance, I was involved all the activities in Scout UGM last year, I felt happy there. But then, I considered that I could not do more than myself challenges. However, when I decided to live in a different way by the monotony in boarding house and college, so did I. Thus, I think I need to integrate all things that make me feel alive. Put things together. All my activities are related to one another.

“Jumping out of a plane is remarkable. So is quitting your job and moving across the country, or traveling the world and living out of a backpack for several months. But these are not the only things that make you brave. These are not the only things that signify that you’re living your life right. These are not the only things that give your life meaning.”

I plan to Featured Image -- 366move across the country every year. I and mostly people think that it is a remarkable. So is my journey to Japan. That is my dream and most people. However, it has changed my mind after coming back from there. It is not about how many times I go abroad, but how many changes I have made for myself and others. Honestly, there are many plans to come back to Japan as my future plans. But, it is not about having a seminar and going around the cities, it’s more about the Muslim life as the minority, that they can take a prayer like here. Not only Japan, but I plan to go to Europe. I am sure, it will not easy as I write and post this story, but that significant dream, I will start by gathering phrases into sentences, like now.

Nowadays, the environment of making achievements are showed up. Students in college will do this and this in order to complete the requirements or just to feel a live. For instance, I, a common student, was challenged to compete with other students in an achievement student awarded or Penghargaan Mahasiswa Berprestasi of UGM. After long periods of dreaming, from a way that I have never expected, I became a candidate to be with them, achievements students in UGM. Pessimistic has changed my life, that everyone life should be surrounded by an optimistic, that you can follow your dream (read: the power of dream). The way you live your life is doing your best, for your life and your surroundings, primarily for Allah, The Most Glorified and The Most High.

In summary, feeling a live by people is different. They can do remarkable or ordinary things that make them alive. However, every option and action that we do, will signify others that we are all part of life in the different ways to feel alive.

Yogyakarta, 14 April 2015

Reference:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2015/04/you-have-more-choices-than-being-either-boring-or-extraordinary/

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Istighfar and Tauhid Words

(الدرس التاسع فى التو بة)
قا ل الله تعا لى : وتوبوا الى الله جميعا ايها ا لمؤ منو ن لعلكم تفلحون, قال تعا لى: استغفروا ربكم ثم تو بو ا اليه, وقا ل تعا ل تعا لى: يا ايها الذين ا منوا الى الله تو بة نصو حا.
1425- و قال رسو ل الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: ان الله يبسط يده بالليل ليتوب م سئ النهار, ويبسط يده بالنها ر ليتوب مسئ اليل, حتى تطلع الشمس من مغربها.رواه مسلم
1426- من تاب قبل ان تطلع الشمس منمغربها تا ب الله عليه.رواه مسلم

Kandungan Hadist:
Sebagai manusia ciptaan Allah yang hidup di dunia dengan penuh ujian dan coba, manusia tak pernah luput dari dosa. Maka dari itu, Allah meminta kita sebagai hamba-Nya, agar senantiasa bertobat, mengucap istighfar. Sesungguhnya tidak ada dosa yang luput dari pengampunan-Nya jika manusia bersungguh-sungguh bertobat pada Allah. Namun, tidak hanya istighfar untuk bertobat pada Allah. Pun manusia perlu bertekad tidak mengulangi dosa-dosa yang sering dilakukan. Oleh karena itu, butuh istighfar dibarengi dengan tekad tidak mengulangi dosa. Insya Allah, pintu maaf akan terbuka sebelum datangnya hari kiamat dan kematian tiba.
Terlebih bagi hamba yang berpuasa Daud. Dengan mengistiqomahkan dzikir istighfar dan tauhid setelah shalat fardhu 100x, insaya Allah mereka adalah orang-orang yang selalu dinaungi keberuntungan di dunia dan akhirat. Sesungguhnya setan itu sangat takut pada manusia yang selalu menjaga dzikirnya dari bacaan istighfar dan tauhid. Bagi seorang santri yang menjadi mahasiswa, malam hari adalah waktunya berdzikir setelah seharian berada di kampus yang sangat mungkin melakukan banyak dosa, karena Allah selalu membuka pintu taubat setiap malamnya. Itulah waktu yang tepat untuk berserah diri pada Allah.

As the human who lives in the world that contains many obstacles and trials, they never can avoid the sins. Thus, Allah asks us to take apologize by saying isthghfar word. In truth, every sin will get His forgiveness if human has strong intention to take apologized to Allah. But, it is not only istighfar word to His forgiveness. They also need to make sure that they won’t repeat their sins again. It means that by saying istighfar word then complete with a strong intention to not doing the same sins again.
Especially, people who do Daud fasting. By doing dzikir istighfar and tauhid word 100x after 5 times prayers, insya Allah they are full of fortune for their live now and beyond. In truth, Satan are very afraid of people who always say istighfar and tauhid. For santri who become a studnet, evening is the times for Allah after a day do the activity in the campus that is very possible to do many sins, because Allah opens the forgiveness door every night. For those who want to close with Allah, do the night prayer is the right time.
Yogyakarta, 24 March 2015

A Santri Who Become A Student

بسم الله الر حمن الر حيم

          A story begins from a 2-year-student who has decided to be a Santri[1] one year ago.  At that time, she was bound up several campus events and organizations which are contrast with her position as a Santri who have to recite the Holy Quran and come to Madrasah Diniyah[2] at 8 – 9 in the evening. However, she tried to do both with all her capability as a student, santri and committee. But, life wasn’t flat enough as she thought. She couldn’t focus on what she did, therefore she got troubles at every place she met i.e. late comer on attending the Holy Quran reciting, being a hurried committee on attending a late evening meeting, etc. By those experiences, at the next semester, she was getting started to focus at particular position that is being a Santri. The reasons why she decided to be a professional Santri who study at college may include her intention to live as a Santri, the good Islamic atmosphere to become a Muslimah[3], and the duty of a Muslim to teach people about Islam.

            The intention to live as a Santri is about the mainly reason of her. Just like the hadith said that everything should be started by an intention. When I was in junior high school, my parents and brother asked me to live in an Islamic Boarding House while studying at SMP N 2 Demak. They also offered me to wear scarf. But, as an ordinary girl who didn’t understand a lot about Islam, I just ignored what they said. I didn’t wear scarf nor did I live in an Islamic Boarding House. Until when I was twelfth grader, I was trying to be santri. However, some obstacles were come. It’s caused by me who didn’t have a strong intention. For instance, I was afraid to get a trouble of secondary school academic result, thus I postponed it but I have lived in my math teachers for two weeks. That is why, in a college life that I imagine I would become an activist, it’s totally change. Be a santri is main duty. It needs a big intention.

            After living with santri at Inayatullah, it’s a right place to get an Islamic atmosphere regularly. When I would like to compare with my daily activity in a rent house, living in an Islamic Boarding House was a way to balance between the short-term and long-term purpose to live in this planet for the world after life. For example when I just got stressed to think about my assignments and duties or just worrying about what I was doing and my future would be, then I would be free after I was with God. I have God, and God is mine. It’s peaceful. Besides, I was taught how to be a different student with a santri as an identity. My Kyai[4], Khamdani Yusuf, said that santri weren’t student. They were just a pure santri, whose studying at a college. It’s a choice matter but for me, living in an Islamic Boarding House –Inayatullah- is the right place to get an Islamic atmosphere regularly.

            Last but not least, I want to be a good Muslimah who learn Islamic studies as a duty. Like the hadith said that to learn is the duty of a Muslim and Muslimah and the Islamic study was the wajib[5] knowledge. I want to use my life to learn Islam. It’s started now. Just imagining from little thing, when I have children, then they ask me how to read Al-Qur’an well, but in fact, I can’t. Otherwise I live in a place where has a variety of Islam perception, then I do not know the appropriate ways to educate my children. Furthermore, there are a lot people who want to know about Islam. If I do not know what Islam and its content, it means I am lacking of will to learn Islam and ignore to do my duty. Thus, I want to be a good Muslim by knowing the Islam and spreading the beautiful of Islam.

              In summary, santri is the reason to live as a good Muslim. It’s only the process, not the final result. However, being a santri is my life process in a college, needs a good and strong intention, have a good atmosphere at Islamic learning, and chance to learn Islam as a duty of Muslim.

[1] An Islamic student who learn Islam and live at Islamic Boarding House.

[2] An Islamic class with several subjects about the basic Islamic studies (that is attended at 8 p.m class).

[3] A woman Muslim.

[4] A guidance and chief of an Islamic Boarding House.

[5] A law of Islam that something should be done.

Yogyakarta, 11 March 2015

Man, Don’t be Rude Please!

“Oh what is it Allah? I don’t want this would be happened again. This is Jogja and I shouldn’t be out there alone when it was getting dark,” I said while keeping in riding.

Today I planned to go some places for fulfill my schedule. But some of them were posphoned because I spent my afternoon in Bulaksumur Residence (BSR). I visited my classmet place. I had never gone there before. It was amazing because there were some flags from countries. Actually, those flags  signed that there were their citizen.Image

I and pink doll in my fiend’s room

I remembered that today I had promise with kak Septi, D who would test me about medicine material. It was 5 p.m. at Sanngar Bakti (SB) Pramuka. I dealt in that time because I didin’t take a pray and there was no “bandongan” at PP Inayatullah. It was possible if I went to class at 7.30 pm.

At that time, there was a heavy rain. But I should go. I wore my mantel and rode my pink bicycle to SB. I met kak Septi, D there, the only one of RTBTD member. There were also some RGM members who played game favorably.

“ I think youn forgot, Wirda,” kak Septi said.

“Hehe It’s a heavy rain so I wait for it a while to stop, “ I answered.

Well, I finished my project there then soon I went back. It wasn’t rain so I didn’t use my wet blanket. When I rode my bicycle in front of vendors at GSP, there was a guy who smiled at me while saying “Assalamu’alaikum”. I ignored him but answered his words in heart. It was so bad, I didin’t even know him before.

When I arrived at the intersection of Kaliurang Street Km 4,5 (jakal), I turned left and rode slowly. At that time, it was quiet and dark. I rode at the left side, slowly slowly and slowly because my bicycle was hard to ride. Suddenly, the sound of motorcycle closed to me, I turned my head to the right and yes a guy groped my chest intentionally in seconds. “Astaghfirullahal’adzim,” I shouted strongly and loudly. Then he went straight on his motorcycle.

“Oh what is it Allah, I don’t want this would be happened again. This is Jogja and I shouldn’t be out there alone when it was getting dark,” I said. Soon, I remembered many things randomly. I couldn’t hide my woman feeling so I felt my tears.

I kept to ride my bicycle until arrived at PP Inayatullah. “You didn’t follow bandongan, did you?” Mbak Ani said. “Well, I thought that there was no bandongan mbak,” I answered it.

I even went at 1 a.m. and I felt alright. But it was 7 p.m., something I never imagined was happened. This was all Allah reminder. It was the first time for me and the last, Aamiin. Soon I promised that I should in PP Inayatullah started from Magrib to take pray together.

Well, I seemed like I want to take ninja for my days. You know,  I had covered my chest with that veil, but a guy still looked at it.

After the class, I told this event at Mbak Ani, I felt better then. I rode my bicycle to my home fast.

Yogyakarta, February 10, 2014.